The Life of a Swear Toad: Project Love
by pixies.rock.hard
Summary: Wart: A simpleton with dreams. Varitek: a genius frog with crazy plans and Viro: A spoiled princess type of girl who lives with Holly. 3 different toads from different sides of the world joins up with the same goal. POV of toads, major A/H.
1. Wart

The Everyday Life of a Swear Toad

Inspired by the following:

ChocoCreamPuffz me

Troublerocks

Major Trouble Kelp V-tek

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are c Eoin Colfer

--

I am Wart. Seroiuly, thats my name. The meaning isn't too obvius. Wart has warts, that is because Wart is a toad. _ I _am a swear toad. A toad who had been given the gift of speech and more intelectual capacity capable of more than swearing, like what most fairies think. Toads, now given this gift, still resort to their usual life: eating flies and pooing 'em out. But me, this Wart has a dream. A dream to explore new things and to prove and discover what I am capable of.

So I said goodbye to my Maw and Paw who had nothing to say but D'arvit. I waved on last and hopped to the nearest passing vehicle.

Which happened to be Commander Trouble Kelp's ride to work. He was wearing nothing but a bathrobe so I decidede to look up. Which was not a good idea, and I immediately regretted it. I took a deep breath, which was my second mistake. Because it resulted into a big loud D'arvit.

_DDDDDDDDDDD'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT_

The Commander glanced around just in time to see a pretty elf with large hazel eyes and auburn hair. She was smiling widely.The commander just gave her a look saying _ooookkkayyy? _ Ooops. If that girl liked this commander, then she was out of luck. I bet he thinks she was the one who sweared. ohh, bad luck for her.

When the vehicle finally stopped, I hopped into the nearest building, which was Police Plaza. I looked around, the only thing not moving was the elf with hazel eyes, who was still staring at Kelp, blushing. Everything and everyone moved so fast all I can see was blurred colors. Papers flew everywhere and the occasional passerby cuffed to a police officer. Telephones were ringing and the noise was deafening for toad ears. There were too much fairies. I felt a feeling of emptiness and felt that I do not belong. And so, I desired to move away but I was confused with the unfamiliar surrondings. Until I heard a wonderful sound...

D'arvit!

Could it be? Could it be that in this kaleidoscope of destruction and confusion, that wonderful sound be heard? I followed the heart-warming sound, not letting it jump away from my grasp. My heart flipped with joy when I finally reached a small booth. The source of the sound. Ops Booth, the door said. I barged inside, my expression expectant...

That turned into a disappointed one. A centaur, wearing a ridiculous tin foil hat.He was typing in his computers like crazy. I decided it was time to test my gift of speech, and so I hopped to the computer to see what his problem was. There was a red blinking light in a spot someone near Dublin, Ireland. I was just about to read the exact coordinates when a web-cam window popped out and covered the entire monitor. A boy no older than 20 with raven hair and mismatched eyes started to speak.

"Foaly, I'm sure you've already found out. Bring Holly at once. Now."

The centaur knowned as Foaly protested. "I was just looking into it, Arty. And it is impossible to get Holly an above ground visa to your house after the Paradox thing. We have enough problems finding Opal Past without you and your -"

"Foaly. Now. Or Else." 'Arty' said, then the window was gone.

Then Foaly murmered "Sheesh. To see that boy to stop manipulating people is like waiting for a Swear Toad to stop tagging along elves' behinds."

I smiled sheepishly. It was true. And I was guilty.

I waited for a while for something to happen in this full-of-wonders Ops Booth. Then the elf with hazel eyes appeared again.

It's a wonder how fate make people, or toads, meet each other more than once.

"You know what to do, Holly" Ahhh, so Holly was the name of this beautiful elf.

"I just wish I had a companion with me. Lately, I don't feel too comfortable alone with Fowl." She said.

Well, I owe her for the D'arvit thing so I climbed her moonbelt. Together, Holly and I left the miraculous Ops Booth.

Later I found myself strapped into a shuttle. Holly said to no one in particular "Secure all shuttles. Im going in the next hotshot. Let's get this baby in the surface"

"Secure. You have green light Captain." An invisible voice said.

Wait a minute. Surface? Oh no. I can feel my green skin turn into lime. I tried to get off the moonbelt but the seatbelt was preventing me to move.

Oh my, I was going to the surface.

--

**A/N: R&R people. Next chapter will be up by this weekend or sooner. Did you like it? First FF ever.**

**Reviews appreciated, flames accepted and compliments adored.**


	2. Varitek

**The Everyday Life of a Swear Toad**

**Inspired by the following:**

**ChocoCreamPuffz me**

**Troublerocks**

**Major Trouble Kelp V-tek**

**Stefanlover12 Robyne Silas**

**and JBaddict12 my BFF from Indigo**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are c Eoin Colfer ad Nickelodeon Inc. The banana song is composed by moi**

--

Greetings, I am Varitek Rock The Second. I have the IQ higher than the average genius. Most of all, I have a vision of the future. Anyone reading this autobiography of mine would think I am someone with two legs, or at least someone warm-blooded. But, unfortunately, all my greatness is wasted on a body form of a toad. To worsen it, a toad known for the ability to swear.

So, as I said, I am a toad with an ambition, unlike any other toads. I shall start small, nothing to big as world domination, but I'll get to that someday. I must find a place to start.

If you are wondering why I am here in the surface, I was born a normal toad in a humble pond above ground when a post-graduate warlock happened to stroll by.

Conviently, I passed by this manor at the outskirts of Dublin. It was enourmous. My intelectual curiosity couldn't resist. I can smell adventure inside. And so, I hopped inside the nearest window. I found myself into what looks like an infant's room. There were cribs and ridiculous toys everywhere. Nothing will be of use to heighten my greatness. So much for my taste of where I'm heading.

Naturally, I will hop out the window as fast as I can. If it weren't for the infant that squeezed my thorax. "Frog-y simple-toon!!" The toddler squealed. I am appalled. How dare he call me a frog and I am definitely not a simpleton! Doesn't this infant now my throat is being squeezed by his pudgy hands. Well, I intend to let him know! I got ready to beat up the kid. "I'll show you whose boss" I said.

5 minutes later, I am sitting in a custom-made chair in a tea party. I was facing dolls and teddy bears. How ludicurous. The only thing I like about this is the suit and tie I am wearing. It is the kind of outfit humans who are planning to do business wear. This 1-year-old is so cute I want to feed him his legs. Once the child left for some cookies (Spare me!), I aimed for the window. I am getting out of here. And that child better not expect his suit back! This tie is very unique. Why does it have yellow sponges with eyes? It is quite peculiar. I tried to read it.

Sponge-bob-square-pants and Patrick-Star

Perhaps Spongebob Squarepants is a ruler of the world and this Patrick a genius like me, no? Maybe they onced ruled the world together. It is settled. This mysterious Spongebob Squarpants and Patrick Star shall be my model and inspiration. And one day I shall be great as they were! This I swear (pardon the pun)!

Before I left, I took a glance at a mirror. What a handsome toad am I. All the ladies will fall for me. I took a breath in so my chest will puff out instead of my tummy bulging and said "For the Ladies, I love you all"

I looked in the mirror again to see a perplexed human with raven hair and mismatched eyes. "That toad just said I love you to me, and called me a lady. That is scientifically impossible." He said to me.

I accidentally panicked and jumped any opening i can see, which was his Armani pants. I can feel him squirm. Poor human. I pity him. He kept on squirming and wiggling. "Get off! Get off!!" He shouted. I wondered around to avoid being squashed, since what he was currently doing was punching his own legs. This was the most comical thing that happened to me. Then he ACCIDENTALLY punched his, um how do you say this a way a genius like myself would?, privates, very hard. He let out an involuntary squeal. Did I say me squirming around a human's pants was the most comical thing that happened to me? I stand corrected. This, seeing a human suffer from his own idiocy, is the most funniest thing that happened in my life.

I crawled down his left foot. He looked at me and I just smiled sheepishly and ran to the only option of escape: the closet.

One would expect that the closet is an interesting place for an amphimbian like me, ponds being the habitat of toads for their whole lives. But my greatness only found dullness here. I bet Dr. Patrick Star wouldn't even allow a used diaper in his worthyfull presence. So, I tried to get out but the human was still outside, waiting for me. And so I have no choice but to wonder around the small room, until I got bored. I got settled eating a banana I found twice my size.

Halfway through my tasty yellow treat, I checked the gap in the door. The teenager was still there, so I began to doodle in the peel of my banana to not waste time of my short yet great and important life. Every second must not be wasted if I am to be great as Spongbob and Patrick. I suddenly said" D'ARVIT,I HAVE AN IDEA!!". Then I started to scribble on the banana peel. It turned out to be a song.

_The Banana Song_

_Put a banana in your ear_

_(in your ear!)_

_Put a ripe banana on your favourite ear_

_Put a what?_

_(A banana in your ear!!)_

_Put a Banana in your ear_

_(in your ear)_

_It will make all you fear disappear_

_(Disappear!)_

_Put a what? _

_(A banana in your ear!!)_

_Put a banana on your favourite EAR!!_

I was considering to change it papaya instead of banana when I heard footsteps. That meant the boy left. I silently hopped of the room. I gazed longingly at the window. But I can't leave now! This family has something intriguing into it. Something fairy intriguing. Did I say fairy? I meant very. So I decided to follow the youth.

I found myself in a grand lobby. There was shimmer on the left of the youth, which materialized into a non-human. I scanned my enormous brain for the species of this creature, but nothing came from my vast knowledge.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT SPONGEBOB!" I croaked, rather loudly. Too loud. Both human and none human, who was currently hugging eachother turned their heads. But I do not care. I do not care.

I do not care because I am currently staring at a swear toad, swearing rather loudly, hanging from the creature's belt.

--

**A/N: R&R. PLEASE! AND I NEED SUGGESTIONS...T.Y.**


	3. Viro

The Everyday Life of a Swear Toad

Inspired by the following:

ChocoCreamPuffz (ME)

Troublerocks

Major Trouble Kelp (V-tek)

JB addict12 (BFF)

StefanLover12(Robyne Solis)

Thanks for the reviews:

Lillythemarshmellowqueen

robyne SOLIS

bookworm579

ht4eva

P.S. JBADDICT REVIEW OR YOU GET NO BANANA. I NAMED THIS FROG AFTER YOU

A/N: I turned it into a Humor/Romance. Whoever is not in favor please R&R and tell me.Also, I know I'm so fast in updating you guys might not be able catching up, thats because its the weekend. Tomorrow you have to wait for another 5 days until this gets updated. P.S. Sorry Robyne, To make it up to you, I named my 3rd frog after you.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are c Eoin Colfer, and no matter how I hate Miley Cyrus, She sang 7 things

--

Viro is the name. I'm the kind of girl who'll love anyone who loves back. Call me Viro, Vicky, Roby your choice. Just don't ever ever ever ever ever call me my real name: Victoria Robyne. I hate my 'rents so much, They're both total whatever losers. Sometimes I wonder why two wannabees like them have a fab daughter like me. Thats why when I was 4, I went with Holly.

Holly is an all around nice girl. She's LEP. We have one thing in common: both of us ain't falling for to die hard boys. She got this Trouble that keeps on tagging her, and I say to her "Hol, darling, Trouble ain't worth the trouble!" We've been companions for life. She also kept me in her pocket on aboveground missions, she also tells me EVERYTHING! Its like were writing an autoboigraphy of someone together. Auto biography of who you ask? Autobiography of this human Artemis. Both of them are so sweet together! My baby Holly is growing up. But me, I haven't found true love yet.

Speaking of Arty, Mr. Hard-to-Get just put up a red alert just so Holly can go to Fowl Manor. Holly's bringing me for the first tim evah!. I'm so excited, This day is going to be FAB. I will make sure there ain't nothing, I repeat, NOTHING will ruin this day.

I sang 7 things to brighten up Holly's mood on the way there. What can I say? I'm a born music primadona. And it so matches Holly's relationship with Artemis. Holly sometimes hate Artemis because he's vain, he plays mind games around her and he's so insecure! He says he loves Minerva but he also loves Holly. And yet his eyes, one is Holly's soft, heartwarming hazel and one is his stunning dark blue you could fall in it and drwon forever. A perfect color combination. His hair is always perfectly combed. He doesn't exactly wear Levi's but he is such a dresser! And Holly keeps on talking about this kiss where both of them have been hypnotized in eachothers eyes until they went back to reality that they were suppose to be saving Jayjay from Artemis' demonic younger self. And the worst, and the best, he makes Holly fall over him.

Holly just got irritated and and shoved a fly into my mouth, which was a habit of hers. On the down side, I choke but on the up side, I don't have to look for dinner. So I shut up for the rest of the way.

When we reached Fowl Manor, My eyes were wide were amazements, This hub was fit for a princess, and ofcourse I was that princess. Think of the endless parties! I bet this place has surrond sound. Perfect for my CD collection! All I have to do now is dye everything pink and black and its perfect! I can already imagine the perks on this dump!

We entered the manor together. Holly shielded and I hid in her pocket, as usual. Artemis greeted us. The moment I looked into his eyes I knew Holly was meant for him. He's exactly the type Holly needs.

"So what is it? A Lemur again? Or is it a monkey this time? Don't tell me its a swear toad." Holly said.

"How about a proper greeting?" Artemis said. His voice was so dreamy. If he was a toad, I'd marry him there and now. Holly and Artemis submerged into a friendly hug. But I can feel Holly shifting uncomfortably once in a while.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT SPONGBOB?!" All heads turn. Instantly, my heart skipped a beat and then started beated like crazy. I was finally in love. There on the mantel of the stairs is the most handsome frog I've ever seen. I smiled at him, waving my front right arm, bu he was staring at something else. Artemis, Holly and me simultaneously turned our heads from the swear toad in the stairs to the swear toad struggling in Holly's moonbelt. Suddenly, I was in love all over again. The toad's eyes was mesmerizing. He looked up and smiled a 'I'm so happy that even though I jumped into a pit full of scorpions i would still be smiling' smile.

All I could think about is how handsome is his smile. And how love triangles are exactly what I was avoiding in the first place.

I love them both, and I'm sure Holly was sqealing now. She was afraid of bananas. And the toad on the stairs was holding one.

I love bananas too.

--

A/N: suggestions welcome people. I'm totally writers block and this chapter and the second chapter is not funny as the 1st chapter. I need help. R&R


	4. Freedom from the Belt

The Everyday Life of a Swear Toad

Inspired by the following:

ChocoCreamPuffz me

Troublerocks

Major Trouble Kelp V-tek

Stefanlover12 Robyne Silas

and JBaddict12 my BFF from Indigo

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are c Eoin Colfer

--

Holly, the nice girl from downtown Haven, helped me out of the belt.

"FREEDOM AT LAST!!" I says quite loudly, until I saw her eyes. I stared at her for what seemed like forever.

"'Sup. I'm Viro" The lovely toad said. Her voice was singsong type.

"Greetings. I am Varitek Rock The Second. A pleasure to meet you." Varitek extended a hand. I 'extended' a hug.

"I is Wart. Nice to know you V-tek, Viro" I nodded at V-tek and licked at Viro.

"I is Wart? Terrible Grammar. And it is Varitek. Is you ear not waorking as is your brain?" V-tek says. But I didn't get what he said. I suppos its a compliment. After all, a high-class toad like him probably knew about politeness.

"Thank You." I said.

"Dude. Like, whats your problem? Why did you just lick me?" Didn't Viro know this was a swear toad custom?

"Its a swear toad custom." I licked her again with my amphimbian tongue.

"Ewww.. creep. That is, like, so disgusting. Totally not cool" I just stared at her. That custom ofcourse isnt cold. Why would she say it was not cool? When its not supposed to be cold? I diverted my attention to Arty.

"Your Arty. I saw you from the talking box at the centaur's office. And a peasure to meet you, Holly" I tried to be formal like V-tek. Instead, I get a smack in the face.

"It's pleasure imbecile. Not peasure." V-tek said.

"Ok, So were in my stud, staring at 3 talking swear toads. What shall we do now?" Arty said.

V-tek obviusly had something in mind: "How about we watch some Spongb-" Viro interupted. Her voice of femenine command and power took over.

"Hol, darling. I need a chat with these too clueless peepz. Be back in a sec."

She dragged us both behind a desk and spoke to us Swearish, a Toad language. "Listen. The moment I saw both of you this plan began to spark in my pop musical brain. 'Cuz ya see, those two clueless people out there are meant for eachother. And we're gonna help faith. You hear?"

V-tek just nod, unused to being manipulated. I had a question. "What if we don't want to?"

Viro slammed me in the wall. "LISTEN TO ME FROG. YOU WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BRING MY BABY HOL AND ARTS TOGETHER. UNDERSTOOD?" I nodded vigurously. "Any more objections?" She said sweetly. V-tek just nodded.

"Ok, now. We need to find a way to put them together. Now, any ideas?" Viro demanded.

V-tek took over. "I do. Now here is what we do..." After He inumerated what we have to do, he sent out us to get stuff and do errands.

"What took you so long? We need to go! now. Turns out Master Fowl only put up a red alert because he wanted to say hi." Holly said. We all ignored her.

Minute later, V-tek had constructed a micro- talking box just like the one Mr Foaly's.

"Now, when we get the hyperlink wire to connect with blue wire the interface of this melatonin port the exterial will-"

"ENOUGH, i think I speak for Wart too. I don't understand a thing your saying. You sound just like Arts. Just get it over with. I'll stall them lover peeps." With that she marched out.

Once again Wart found myself into a useless situation. I decided to leave V-tek and followed Viro instead.

After minutes of lies and stalling, a small box went out from the back of the desk V-tek was. It flickered to life.

"Captain Short. This is your Major. I'm just here to report that you are ugly..." Viro disappeared behind the box.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!" Then she went out.

"Um, Sorry. what I meant to say was, due to magma flares you won't be able to go back underground for 4 weeks."

"What? Trouble! Where will I stay? Are you okay? I have no place to sta-"

"You can stay here." Arty said.

Wow. Viro was right. Fate was pushing them together, only they are the ones pushing away.

"Well, It is your fault." Holly said.

Viro, V-tek and I smiled at each other. This will be the best 4 weeks of my life.


End file.
